What happened that day? Who lost the dossiers?!

From: P-----------@hotmail.com
To: Enoch616@gmail.com
Subject: Meeting time + place CHANGED
Date: Wed. 02, July 2006 14:47:25 +0000

Dear Jacques,

Please note that the time and place of tomorrow's meeting have changed.

The meeting will now take place in the Sholl & Sons bank at 5:00pm. Please remember to bring the dossiers. If the Robertson deal is to reach a conclusion before the 12th, I will need to browse the document and finalise all aspects with both parties.

Yours,
Prof. Allen Watson, M.D., Ph.D

Bad news on soprano scene

To: Rich, Affluent and Philanthropic Inc. 
From: Enoch, handsome and intelligent. 

Message:

Permanently out-sold by inferior works of drama, my latest piece, "Enoch: Handsome and Intelligent" has fallen by the wayside. I am writing to you to request much-needed funding to expand our limited resources.

At present our small troupe operates out of an abandoned post office: the once-famous Postal Office of the South (P.o.S.) which you will recall played host to the now legendary debacle concerning a 5-inch chalice of late Medieval design with a few of the precious gems missing from around the rim and a shady secret society.

In any case, we urgently require funding. The absolute minimum amount we require to mount an adequate production of "Enoch: Handsome and Intelligent" is £100,000.00.

Please contact my office if you have any enquiries. The address is:

The Post Office,
Sion Hill,
Summersville,
XZ16 84L

Yr. Obt. Svt.

Enoch!

The Poetry of Enoch Poss

Mr. E. Deitor, 

I, Enoch Poss (Hand. and Intel.), enclose here the first few poems of what I know will be the most successfull collection of romantic poetry to ever be published. 

I demand an advance of £600,000.00 to secure the rest of my astonishingly good poetry. 

Yours,
Enoch, handsome and intelligent. 

* 

-- Poem #1 --

I'm Enoch!
Sheathing my foot is a sock.
Shouldn't we stop and all take stock,
Of the handsomeness and intelligence of Enoch?

I'm Enoch!
My mind's as sturdy as a lock
That has no key, so get a rock
To smash the lock that's Enoch!

Great is Enoch!
Great and fair,
For poetry he has a flair
On the balcony and stair.

-- Poem #2 --

The flowers, true, are very pretty
And, yes, the sun is pretty bright
But I am pretty, and I'm witty!
And the sun's eclipsed by my great might.

I concur, the breeze is nice
And I enjoy the taste of chilli
But better yet than flavoured rice,
Is Enoch! "Who's he?!". Don't be silly!

Enoch is as summer rain,
Cascading down the barren hill;
Relieves all pained folk of their pain
And removes all ailed folk from their ill!

-- Poem #3 --

E - E is for Enoch: wise and fair.
N - N is for "Never have I seen a man so handsome!"
O - O is for "Oh my God! Enoch is so incomparably handsome!"
C - C is for "Can you even imagine anyone as impeccably dressed as Enoch?!"
H - H is for "Hell's bells! Enoch sure is accomplished and handsome!"

*

A review of Enoch Poss's latest dramatic endeavour...

This review of Enoch Poss's latest work: ENOCH: HANDSOME AND INTELLIGENT, was submitted to the editor of the Paper of Springfield by famed alchemist and gynaecologist, Dr. Peter O'Shaunessey. 

*

When a student of mine brought Enoch Poss's latest piece of dramatic drivel to my desk, I recall thinking "Oh dear. This will not be a good, well-rounded and impeccably structured piece of drama." 

Indeed, my preliminary supposition proved to be nothing less than the complete truth. To Enoch Poss, the notion of well-written prose is a foreign as a Frenchman in Florence. 

Anyone who has had the misfortune to read the innacurately titled "Enoch: Handsome and Intelligent" (He has never, and will never be either of those things) will understand how truly pandering the work is. It exists only as an exercise in self-appreciation of the most unnecessary and innacurate degree. What's worse is that the exclamation-strewn work reflects Poss's own high opinion of his meagre achievements.

The characters are one-dimensional and unbelievable. Especially Poss. The cavalier, swashbuckling suaveness that drips like maggots from a meaty fissure in diseased flesh, presents Poss as a Scarlet Pimpernell-esque hero who roams the land saving women who seem, despite their superficial problems, to be more concerned with swooning at the sight of Poss's bulging body parts than with seeking reparations and revenge upon the host of unnecessary and fleeting characters who further add to the nonsensical and overly complex plot.

This succinct review does not do justice to the abysmal work of Enoch Poss. It is by far-and-away his worst offering in the past decade. One wonders who exactly it is that encourages him to continue to write such nonsense. I speak for all fans of good theatre when I sincerely implore, "Enoch Poss, please, never pick up your pen, tap your typewriter or click your keyboard ever again. I also implore all purveyors of writing materials; pens, pencils, notebooks etc. to REFUSE service to Mr. Poss. Ban him from your establishments. Summom the authorities if he enters within a five foot radius of your door. Let us all unite to protect the good reputation of the theatre."

I remain your obedient servant and friend,

Dr. Peter O.Shaunessey, M.D. 

Enoch: Handsome and Intelligent!

Recovered from former premises of the P.o.S. - E.'s play: Act 1, Scene 1.

*

Foreword by Sgt. V. V. D. L. T. K.: I don't know how you got this email address. I don't know you, and I certainly do not know anything about a missing chalice. Nor will I, as a public official, provide a personal or professional endorsement for any personal or professional endeavours of any person or professional, personally or professionally. 

*

ACT 1, SCENE 1.

The curtain rises. Enoch, an incredibly handsome man in his late 30s, stands alone in the centre of the stage. The setting is a lavish parlour room. 

Enoch: It is I! Enoch Poss. Inarguably the handsomest, intelligentist, most intelligent Postal Officer in the whole South!

Enter ORLAITH and CHARMANE.

Orlaith and Charmane: Truly! Oh, but Enoch! Misery and woe have fallen upon we two fair maidens. Surely no man is as wise as you, nor any man as brave. Therefore we handsome and well-proportioned women do ask of you your help! Deign to assist us, fair Enoch. For you are wise and handsome. 

Enoch: You both speak true. I can see that you are perceptive women, and I, Enoch Poss, handsomest and most intelligent of all men, shall lend you my assistance. But tell me fair and well-proportioned women, what is it that troubles you? For what reason have you sought the help of I, Enoch Poss, handsomest and most intelligent of all Postal workers, bar none?

Charmane: Oh Enoch! Had we but known of your great wisdom and kindness, we would have sought out your help long ago. (To the audience) His great bravery and handsome features set him apart from other, lesser men! Enoch has no equal! 

Orlaith: Enoch! A rapscallion is harassing us! We have come to ask you to waylay his postage as punishment. But seeing you now. . . Your muscles, your tanned skin, your bulging. . . Oh my, I seem to have fallen faint at the thought of your incredible, undeniable handsomeness and intelligence. 

Enoch: A rapscallion, eh? Bounder! Oaf! Lothario! Philanderer! Debauchee! Libertine! I shall slay the unsuspecting fool ere dawn breaks o'er my handsome features. For I am Enoch Poss! Handsomest and most intelligent of all men! Go now, fair maidens, I shall greet you again when the deed is done. 

END SCENE.